The on-going Covid phase has been weird. Things have stopped, but not entirely. Freedoms have been limited, but not completely. There is no progress in life and love, but there is. Wait, no, not in love.

A simple idea of going out to eat or meet someone seems so alien. Imagining it feels so liberating, and yet, impossible. The idea of larger meet-ups is even more elusive, so much so that a very good friend is getting married on the 20th of November, and most of my friends have backed out of it. I myself don’t have to the courage to bring it up before my parents, lest they shoot a reprimand and shut the plan of me attending it.

Beyond all this, the most prickling feature is its pressure to take an initiative. The pre-Covid life seemed to be within one’s grasp, although it hardly was. Everyone seemed to have worked with the illusion that they controlled their life. Rather, it was the circumstances in life and societal expectations that kept us pushing to do what we did. We saw that others carried on with their life and we did the same. It was a motion that we reinforced over each other.

Now that the life as we know it has come to a halt, everyone seems to be on their own. For some, it was a good break to catch up on a lot of things they’d always wanted to do. But for many, it was an unwanted pause which froze life. And the lack of push from all others also gave validation to this pause. This lack of guilt in being lazy and procrastinating with such aplomb has engulfed me.

On the other hand, I’m glad that a few things have been happening. The recently held US Open, the about to be held US Presidential Elections, and the resumption of FIDE Candidates tournament is some recreation I desperately need. The NLAT / CLAT debacle also supplied a good dose of entertainment, although those taking these exams have been put through unnecessary troubles. It felt as if NLSIU created its own Covid and the Supreme Court demonetised it.

Lately, I’ve been trying another adventure. I signed up on a dating App. Not Tinder or Bumble, but an App which is touted to be a platform for those seeking long-term relationships. I did this for two reasons. One, there is a noticeable gap I’d like bridge in my mental health. I don’t aspire physical intimacy more than I ever did. The idea of it is, of course, exciting. But, it is not substantially higher than it ever was to make it a key motivation for me to opt a dating App. But the push was to have a companion, someone who’d bring happiness and joy, and ease the mental heat. The second reason, which is much more common in my age group, is the pressure that comes from both my immediate and extended family. As a single child, the hopes are high and real. As my parents have already begun scouting for the perfect match, it scares me to fathom that I’d have to spend my life with someone I wouldn’t adequately know before-hand.

But the experience has been tough. The App that I am on is highly skewed towards women. If I were to hazard a guess, I am sure there are around twenty men for one woman. This implies that the men have to work so many times more to not just attract attention, but also to keep it alive. For women, if it’s not interesting enough, they have the option of moving on and take a shot with another man. Ironically, this is the opposite of the gruesome patriarchal matchmaking done by our society with Sima Taparia type connectors.

I am, however, not complaining about this discrimination. This gender skew only suggests that the social structure has given the men the confidence of finding someone on their own, but the women often submit to the choice of their parents. The resultant disparity on the App is due to the lack of agency to women in making their matrimonial decisions. To make it worse, there’s a good reason to suspect that many men on the App are not as serious as they pretend to be, leading women to be cautious of putting up their details and pictures on an open forum.

Personally, however, this skew presses me to take a lot of initiative to keep the conversations interesting. Most women I matched have turned it into an interrogation where I ask the questions and they answer. Some have even made me wonder why they’d take the trouble of signing up on this App and answer questions posed by random strangers while they don’t reciprocate with the curiosity I have. Why is it that when a conversation reaches an impasse, the onus is on me to re-start it? As I’ve not been able to make a swift decision on whether there is any potential to connect, I’ve often unmatched with them, and moved on to find someone else. If it is too much effort now, it could be too much effort forever, and what good is that!

There is some silver lining though. I have made a couple of very good friends over the App. Things did not work with them in a romantic way, but I’ve come to depend on them so much that it feels as if we’ve been friends all along. And it is such people who make me feel that even though my purpose of signing up on that App is left unfulfilled, it was all worth the effort. But what becomes of my purpose? Only time will tell.

Last week saw the Democratic National Convention. It was a four-day show of pomp with a formality to nominate Joe Biden as the Presidential Candidate of the Democratic Party. Although it follows a similar pattern every time it is held, this edition was a little different. Not only because it was conducted online and has no physical appearance by the State-wise delegates, but also because some traditional Republicans such as John Kasich, who contested against Trump in 2016 Republican primaries, have attended and openly endorsed Joe Biden against their own party’s candidate. Considering that Kasich is a former Governor of the swing State of Ohio, Biden may have a good shot at winning this State like Obama did both times.

This brings us to the most important question – what are the chances of Joe Biden & Kamala Harris beating Donald Trump & Mike Pence? Very good, if you ask me. And here’s how.

We can start with a safe assumption that Biden will win all States that Hillary Clinton won in 2016. Hillary was in the race with a lot of baggage such as her ‘establishment’ image, gender, Russian intervention, eight years of Obama causing Democratic anti-incumbency, and the ridiculously crass Donald Trump. This was a low-point for the Democrats against Trump, with any other scenario depicting only an improvement.

With this assumption, we then place the following States in their safe zones:

Joe Biden		Donald Trump
State	Electoral Votes	State	Electoral Votes
California	55	Texas	38
New York	29	Indiana	11
Illinois	20	Tennessee	11
New Jersey	14	Missouri	10
Virginia	13	Alabama	9
Washington	12	South Carolina	9
Massachusetts	11	Kentucky	8
Maryland	10	Louisiana	8
Minnesota	10	Oklahoma	7
Colorado	9	Arkansas	6
Connecticut	7	Kansas	6
Oregon	7	Mississippi	6
Nevada	6	Utah	6
New Mexico	5	Nebraska	4
Hawaii	4	West Virginia	5
Maine	4	Idaho	4
New Hampshire	4	Alaska	3
Rhode Island	4	Montana	3
D.C.	3	North Dakota	3
Delaware	3	South Dakota	3
Vermont	3	Wyoming	3
Nebraska District – 2	1
Total:	234	Total:	163

We are now left with the following ‘Battleground / Swing States’ which can go either side:

• Florida (29)
• Pennsylvania (20)
• Ohio (18)
• Georgia (16)
• Michigan (16)
• North Carolina (15)
• Arizona (11)
• Wisconsin (10)
• Iowa (6)

Some of these have some notorious history. For example, Florida was instrumental in electing Bush as President in 2000 against Gore. The election was so close that a re-count of votes was ordered. For a while, it seemed like the re-count may give Gore the majority, but the partisan intervention by the Supreme Court halted this re-count and gave it to Bush.

I’ll now look at these nine States to see which side they may swing this election.

1. Florida

With plenty of immigration, this State has seen a good surge of Latino and Asian population, which, ideally would vote blue. This, however, wasn’t the case in 2016. It has often been said that Hillary lost in this State mainly due to her image dirtied by the James Comey’s email scandal. Many also must have considered Trump a drastic break from the past or an anti-establishment candidate. Despite all this, Hillary needed about 57K votes to have come to her instead of Trump (out of the total of 4.6M that Trump got).

Considering the margin of 2016, the support to Biden amongst the white working class and traditional voters, the disdain for Trump from the Latino and Asian voters and the high number of Covid cases, I am calling this State for Biden. If the same turnout as 2016 is seen, we need a mere 57K voters who chose Trump in 2016 to choose Biden now. This seems entirely possible.

Tally after Florida: Biden – 263 | Trump – 163

2. Pennsylvania

The margin between Trump and Hillary in 2016 was a mere 44K votes. In percentage terms, Trump got 0.72 % more votes than Hillary, the narrowest margin this State has ever seen in almost two centuries. Obama had won this in 2012 with over 300K votes, due to which the State was always considered a solid ground for Hillary in 2016.

It is highly probable that this State has developed strong anti-incumbency against Trump. Not only has Covid affected this State’s vibes, Pennsylvania also became a very strong ground for protests after George Flyod’s killing. The mid-term elections in 2018 have drastically changed the composition of its Representatives to the House from 12-6 in favour of Republicans to a 9-9 tie, showing that the Democrats have snatched away 3 seats from Republicans. This is often a good indicator of what the voters in the State think. In fact, it is one of thirteen ‘keys to the White House’ as mentioned in a book by Allan Lichtman who predicted Trump’s win in 2016.

Due to these considerations, I place Pennsylvania in the Biden column.

Tally after Pennsylvania: Biden – 283 | Trump – 163

Note: Biden has crossed the 270 mark already, hence getting elected as the President. Nonetheless, we’ll look at the remaining seven swing States as well.

3. Ohio

Ohio is also the most perfect bellwether State. Whichever candidate has carried Ohio has also carried the entire election since Johnson in 1964. Even before that, it has only been wrong twice. A State in the Rust Belt with a huge share of blue collar voters, it resonated with the Trump’s call of ‘draining the swamp’ more than any other swing State. This gave Trump an unbelievable 8.13 % margin, enough to make this State a red one.

However, I believe that the target voters of both Trump and Biden overlap quite massively in this State. The same blue collar white voters who voted for Trump may now vote for Biden. In fact, for traditional Democrats and Republicans both, Biden may please more than Trump. My friend, Karthik, rightly says that Ohio is no longer a strong ground for industries, has a well-liked Republican Governor who was relatively better in controlling Covid, and has a good chunk of rural voters who may favour Trump regardless of his performance. I agree with him on all these counts.

Although my heart and intuition continue to say that Ohio might go to Biden this time, I cannot overlook what Karthik has said. I call this State for Trump.

Tally after Ohio: Biden – 283 | Trump – 181

4. Georgia

With over a 5% margin, this State was hardly a contest in 2016. Trump carried the State both in the pre-election polls as well as the actual elections. Georgia happens to be one of the most conservative, and frankly, racist States of the US. It is where the pro-confederacy vibes have re-lapsed quite strongly.

Obama failed to win this State both times. Although Karthik says that this State may flip to blue this time due to the death of John Lewis, a good black vote consolidation, loosening of conservatism in the suburbs around Atlanta, I am unsure of these reasons being sufficient to actually give it to Biden. It is possible that the aftermath of George Flyod’s killing may have further hardened the believes of conservatives. Plus, the campaigning in Georgia invokes fear and hatred towards the ‘mob’, a phrase often used recently for the Black Lives Matter and Antifa protesters.

Hence, I call this State for Trump.

Tally after Georgia: Biden – 283 | Trump – 197

5. Michigan

This State breaks my heart. A strong State in the ‘blue wall’ (States which have voted Blue), it is known for its Automobile manufacturing. The working class was hit by the 2008 recession and was rescued by Obama when he bailed-out the industry. Plenty of jobs lost were restored and the economy became only stronger after that. Further, both politically and socially, it is one of the calm Democratic States.

But this wasn’t true in the 2016 elections. Hillary lost. And with a miniscule margin of 0.23% of votes. That’s less than 9K votes! This means that had Hillary gotten about 4.5K of Trump votes, she’d have won the State. It was in her hands and she lost it by not paying enough attention to it, even while Trump toured it a gazillion times.

With a margin that small in the 2016 elections, it is a no-brainer to call this State for Biden.

Tally after Michigan: Biden – 299 | Trump – 197

6. North Carolina

This State is a big toss-up. And I am unsure where to place it. On the one hand, Obama managed to win this State both times. And the working class may vote Biden. But, on the other hand, Hillary lost with a margin of almost 4%. All polling data on RealClearPolitics show this to be a toss-up and any inclination is within the margin of error.

It is a gamble. Although all the reasons of candidates being key to attracting the undecided voters apply, I am taking the gamble and calling this for Biden. Nonetheless, if I am wrong about any of my predictions, this will be the first State where I go wrong.

Tally after North Carolina: Biden – 314 | Trump – 197

7. Arizona

Trump won Arizona by a 3.5 % margin. However, I believe that this is one of the States that may shift from Red to Blue. It could be the reverse of Arkansas which went from Bill Clinton to Bush in 2000 and has only solidified its redness over the two decades.

The 2018 Senate contest in Arizona was exciting. Kyrsten Sinema snatched the seat away from the Republicans. This, despite being an openly bisexual person, depicting the liberal wave brushing the State. Further, the death of John McCain may also play some role. McCain, before his death, called up Obama and Biden to attend his funeral, but did not want the sitting President Trump there. Trump has openly insulted McCain for being captured to become prisoner of war in Vietnam, while he himself forged a bone spur to avoid being drafted for this war. All this may play a lot in the minds of pro-McCain traditional Republicans.

While this may be another gamble I take, I feel good to call Arizona for Biden.

Tally after Arizona: Biden – 325 | Trump – 197

8. Wisconsin

Another blue wall State which has narrowly escaped Hillary in 2016. The margin for Trump was barely 0.77%, which in the number of votes, is less than 22K votes. This means that if about 11K voters had chosen Hillary instead of Trump, she would have carried this State.

For all the reasons I mentioned for Michigan, I call this State for Biden. It is also a no-brainer with all the polls on RealClearPolitics painting this State blue.

Tally after Wisconsin: Biden – 335 | Trump – 197

9. Iowa

What a State. But, more importantly, why is this even important. In the larger scheme of things, Iowa is insignificant. But, the only reason it is rated higher than its worth is because it happens to be the first State to conduct its primaries. Whoever wins this State is said to have the tempo to win subsequent primaries and caucuses. The media coverage is also enormous due to this.

However, when it comes to the Presidential Elections, the candidates may not visit Iowa as much as the other swing States. This is simply because of its low number of Electoral votes – 6 in total. Despite being a Swing state, I do not feel that this State may be any important in the 2020 elections. It is for this reason that I am heeding to the polls and call it for Trump.

Tally after Iowa: Biden – 335 | Trump – 203

Electoral College Map of My Predictions

For now, it’s Advantage Biden. Now, we wait and see how it goes!

For over a decade now, I’ve been deeply interested in the US elections. My attention towards them has only grown over time. I must admit that I’ve followed their polls, debates, news stories, speeches, etc. much more than I follow the Indian ones. The reasons for this are many – the spectacle which resembles reality television, the regular opinion polls which measure the mood towards the candidates irrespective of how far the elections are, the extremely oversimplifying of complex issues by the media and the candidates, and the eventual lure of power, dominance, and might over the world. But beyond all these, the real reason for my liking is the escape they offer from the politics of my own country, which, even at their best, is only depressing.

With the 2020 Presidential Elections around the corner, the excitement has only increased. So much so that I wanted to revisit and dwell deeper into the 2016 Elections. As someone who followed those elections with a very keen eye, most of what happened is still fresh in my memory. Nonetheless, I picked up a book that I’ve been meaning to read for over two years – ‘What Happened’ by Hillary Clinton.

The book was a long rant which has three noticeable threads. First, that Hillary Clinton is a woman. She has excessively explored the significance and momentousness of the US getting its first woman President which it never got. It seemed unnecessarily wishful as she repeatedly emphasized the importance of her win on the ‘little girls and boys’ of the country. It’s one thing to surmise much of this, but it is quite something else to applaud oneself for their own (almost) breaking of the glass ceiling when it actually failed.

Second, Hillary went on a rampage to justify her political stands and calls she has taken over the decades. She claimed to be the most consistent person while dissing both Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump for their shifty viewpoints. This, she does, with surprising ignorance to her own inconsistency that she herself narrates – be it on guns, the 1995 law which allowed mass incarceration of Blacks, or her stand on the same-sex marriage. Because when Bernie moves around even negligibly, he is inconsistent. But when Hillary drastically changes her opinions, she is only evolving to lead the progressive movement.

Third, the book disses everyone she thinks has played a role in her defeat. It starts with Trump himself being divisive and voicing the anger, then moves on with how unfairly she has been treated because she is a woman, blames Putin for all the interference and personal vendetta that he had against her, calls out James Comey for the untimely letter to the eight congressmen written eleven days before the election to say that Hillary’s emails are pertinent and call for further investigation, her unfair media coverage which did not show her policy stands, and so on!

And finally, she claims that all the observers are wrong when they say that she took some Mid-West States for granted. This, despite admitting that she hasn’t visited Wisconsin once and visited Michigan only five times. On the other hand, she was busy touring Ohio, Kentucky, and West Virginia – States which, even in the most optimistic scenarios of 2016, would end up red.

Unfortunately, the book said nothing new. Anyone who watched the elections knows how miniscule the margin of victory was for Trump. Only if about eighty thousand people in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Michigan had voted the other way, she’d have been the President. And given the political experience and the hard work that Clinton put in, she deserved a win. But it was not meant to be. It surely does hurt and I can sense that pain in the book. Even if half of her allegations are true, she has been undoubtedly treated unfairly. And as the fate would have it, she was at the wrong place at a very wrong time. It is true that given her experience, she’d have won the elections in 2008 or 2012, or even if she had been a man. If nothing, she should’ve been young enough to run in 2020 and she’d have seen the light of the day.

Although, I have no qualms about her not winning the election, her personal story in her own words do cause some discomfort. Hopefully, there will soon be a woman who is more self-made, consistent, and deserving to make it to the White House. Even though I’m not excited about the idea of Kamala Harris being that woman, but if I had to bet, it’ll be her in 2024 (or sooner).

What does it take for a decently intelligent and an ordinarily hardworking person to make it through a fierce competition? A lot of luck. Surely, there is a perennial attempt to undermine the role that luck plays. Jefferson is quoted to have said that the harder he works, the luckier he gets. This is true to a large extent. When one prepares confidently and waters down all weaknesses, the chance of success does increase. But, does this stand valid when the competition is so intense and the scope of success so small that the margins are highly miniscule?

CLAT – the Common Law Admission Test – will have around 1.4 Lac takers this year. The saturation of IIT-JEE coupled with the romanticising of National Law Universities has caused this heavy increase in the number. The unfortunate pandemic situation forced extension of deadlines to fill in the form, opening up a window to those deciding at the eleventh hour to try a shot at this exam.

The number itself, however, is not much of an issue. Afterall, several other exams in India have over half a million applicants. But, it’s the narrow scope of success that is worrisome. The 22 NLUs under CLAT all total to 1,355 seats for the General Category, with almost an equal number for the Reserved Categories. Comparing this to the total applicants, less than one percent have the chance of landing in an NLU. I repeat, not even one percent! To put it another way, if a candidate goes to take the exam at a centre which caters to five hundred students, a mere five will taste success.

While all this competition is one thing, the CLAT this year has been particularly spiced up with a lot of pattern and syllabi changes. The purpose was to streamline the process so that those with the best of Reasoning abilities and Knowledge are selected. This is surely a noble aim. CLAT, over the years, had become too mechanical where students simply understood the general nature of questions and toned themselves to solve those. This lead to a flourishing of coaching institutes thumping their chests of producing high rankers as they spoon-feed students with the ‘past year questions’ that neither gave them any substantial knowledge nor prepared them to be a good law student. It so happened that most students would know the answer to a Legal Reasoning question simply by looking at the facts or the principle, without as much as pondering over the rationale of their answer.

At the outset, I do appreciate these changes. They were much needed and had to be done years ago. But all these changes seemed to have created another problem, a problem much larger than they sought to solve. The new paper requires the candidates to be very strong at the language. A student might have excellent reasoning abilities, but they can only be utilised once she passes the hurdle of being swift, strong, and immaculate at the language. It is only when one understands the large paragraphs and the demand of the question that she can ponder over the given options and choose the correct one. If one does not process the given text within the given time, she does not even reach the stage where her reasoning skills are tested. This causes a huge barrier to those who have not had opportunities to hone their linguistic skills.

To make it all worse, the lack of adequate language skills can be attributed to the poor school standards across the country. Those who are privileged to have grown up in urban upper class households with educated parents and high-standard schools are clearly ahead in the CLAT race. Although the previous pattern was not on-point in testing reasoning, it was, if nothing, more accommodative of students with an average schooling and a determination to fill in the gaps. It is quite uncomfortable and disheartening to see plenty of students message me their doubts and queries using wrong grammar. Many simply do not understand the given text and ask for an explanation. At the risk of being extremely judgemental, I sense, at that very moment, that these students may not stand a chance to be in the top one percent that CLAT is going to skim off for NLUs.

It seems that the zeal of reforms has made the Consortium reckless as they undermine inclusivity. Given how small the margins are going to be in the eventual rank list, mis-reading even a word in the paper can mean failure. It is hard to see how a student with average schooling, poor exposure, and high pressure may crack the exam and walk to an NLU. The competition has turned a stream into a river, the pandemic has added a flood to this river, and the Consortium has narrowed the flood-gates allowing only the privileged to pass through.

Ultimately, it will be unfair for those who make it to the NLUs to credit their achievement entirely to their hard work and intelligence. Similarly, it will also be unfair to undermine the skills of those who fail. CLAT has, unfortunately, become a game of chance at which, even before the exam, thousands have already lost to a privileged few.

I feel numb.

I’ve generally thought of myself as an emotional person. I’ve had strong opinions about plenty of things and indifference towards none. The idea of being reserved and letting something go has been alien to me. Those who know me well know that I am quite vocal, sometimes with disastrous consequences. All this, however, is not a virtue. I tend to overdo it and make irreparable damage.

Overtime, I had learnt to exercise restraint and let things go. I chose my battles and made my point only when I felt it to be essential. But lately, this has been going south. My selective picking of what I must support or oppose has been tiring. Not because of my lack of energy, but because I find no utility in it.

When Article 370 was rendered ineffective in an effort to ‘merge’ Kashmir with India, when the Supreme Court ordered the construction of Ram Mandir, when the Parliament passed their CAA, when the Government proposed the NPR and NRC, and when the Tablighi Jama’at was made the scapegoat, the battle lines drawn were exactly the same. Those of my friends who are on the right side of these issues do not have to be engaged because our outrage and views are in sync. And those who are on the ‘right’ side cannot be engaged because of their obvious prejudices.

Thus, the very point of being angry at something gets defeated because there is no release. And all this pent up anger simply leads to such repression that it numbs all the emotions.

At the risk of sounding pessimistic, it is obvious that I have no power to bring in a change in the hearts of those who thump their chests with nationalism. This is not because they do not understand reason, but despite it. Engaging with them drives you in circles and exasperates you. The tale ends where it had begun. There will not be any change of hearts, but the minds surely become toxic. The ego of one’s ideology is too strong to be countered by reason.

There is, however, a larger point here. The idea of India has been pretty obscure. It is the indefinable feature which ought to have strengthened the nation by according both respect to the diverse traditions and dignity to an individual. But, was this idea a lie? In an effort to inculcate tolerance, we seem to have, over the decades, tolerated the intolerance. Eventually, the intolerance became powerful enough that it has put this idea of India in jeopardy. Or did this intolerance only remove the façade over the rosy idea of India which never really existed?

We’ve been told that India is about the pursuit of substantive equality, liberty, and fraternity. But the graph on these has only been diving downwards. Perhaps, the idea of India never was the truth. If it was, what does it take to live it in practice rather than merely preaching it in the ideals? Even if this idea is true, it seems to be only slipping away from our sight. We all have already chosen our positions on either side of the line, only to gradually strengthen it. This could be just a phase in this country’s history, or the death of our dreams.

In this prime-time-shouting-matches age, we all will continue to fight. We will assert our positions using every debating technique in the arsenal. We will grow our differences amongst us. And we all will, unfortunately, continue to defeat India.

What a time to be alive. Of course, being alive is the first of all priorities. But never did I think that we would witness such incredible times. The pandemic has shaken the world in every aspect. Lakhs have already died across the world, and those who battled it and survived have been through enormous difficulties and trauma.

Several unfortunate news stories have sunk my heart further. The deaths of sixteen migrant workers sleeping on the tracks, another twenty-four in a road accident, and the miseries of those taking long walks to try and reach their homes has been too tough to watch. All this invokes both anger and helplessness.

The response of the government has been inefficient and disheartening to say the least. We seem to be doing exactly the opposite of what the situation demands.

The first lockdown was announced with a four-hour notice. As the migrant labours scrambled to pick up the little belongings they had and head to their home towns and villages, we suspended all public transport. These daily wage earners now had no wage. The governments promised to provide them all food, but only after verifying if they deserve it or not. They were asked to register online using their Aadhaar Numbers, obtain their own registration numbers, and queue up at a crowded distribution centre.

Even in this crisis, we couldn’t declare that the food will be provided for every person who seeks it. And that’s because of the apprehension of ‘leakages’ – that those who are not ‘entitled to be beneficiaries’ should not take what isn’t meant for them. How ironic is it that when a person uses every provision of the Taxation Law available to reduce his taxes, he is known to be a smart businessman; but, when a person simply wants food to not starve to death, he is looked at with suspicion to be a moocher!

The biases have come out as obvious. We will bail out the corporates like Yes Bank which have crashed due to their own mismanagement, but will not help the vulnerable labourers who are vulnerable due to the government’s mismanagement. Even in these desperate times, our policies are pro-corporate as we help these wealthy capitalists by enabling them to retrench labour without any obligations, not to mention the dropping of Minimum Wages baselines. Because we may compromise the basic social security of the workers, but will not risk any chipping away of the business owners’ profits.

The labour had no choice, but to take a long walk to reach their native places. As they reached their towns and villages, they have been seen as Corona carriers. The administration in Bareilly went so far as to make them sit on the roads in a group and spray disinfectant over all the people using a fire engine. If this had to be done, it should’ve been done at the airports with all the people arriving from abroad. They were the ones bringing Corona to India, without which we’d not have the pandemic in the country.

Amidst all this, the power surely found what it was desperately seeking. A scapegoat. This came in the form of Tablighi Jama’at which conducted their meetings a few days before the lockdown was announced. The drill was the usual and all the developments were on the expected lines. Muslims have been targeted as conducting #CoronaJihad and vilified for conducting a meeting even when there was no restriction for the same. The Foucoult’s cycle of power and knowledge played perfectly well as the Government, the Media, and Ideologically-motivated people peddled a sensational narrative of hatred. It was disturbing that we found none of this surprising.

After two months of this ordeal which exposed the vulnerabilities of the weaker sections and the extra-ordinary power of the Government, we are on the path to open up the economy. Defeating the entire purpose of the two months of lockdown, we’re easing the restrictions, doing the exact opposite of what we ought to do. When we had a few hundred cases, the lockdown was brutally imposed with the Police misusing their powers by beating up anyone they saw on the road. But now that we have almost two lac cases, our Government wants us to go out and carry on with our routine. And there is hardly any voice which questions this planned execution of irony.

The episode has only started. Every development that shocks us today becomes the normal tomorrow. And this race to the bottom is furiously fast. If I think of it now, I shudder to imagine how this year will end. But then, I am sure that’ll be just another normal by then.

It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Over six years, in fact. I’ve often thought of writing and waking this dormant blog up. But, I had neither the courage nor the inclination. If anything, I only tried escaping the reality. The struggle and pursuit of my aspirations left me so weak that I wouldn’t dare put this journey in writing. The biggest of all fears was that I may, sometime in future, look back and read things with a disappointment of what it could have been and what it is not.

I am here now. Severely heart-broken and relying on a façade of happiness to hide all the pain. Reality is too much to take. Up until a few months, I could rely on random meaningless validations from others and maladaptive day-dreaming of my own. But that has proven to be unsustainable and the house of cards collapsed, reflecting what I always feared to witness.

The only hope I have is to rely on Him. Him, I trust, of course. And through Him, I trust the destiny. The burdens seem small and the shoulders relax when you surrender. I’ve tried being charged and pushing myself with the pretense of having good control over what I do. But, I give that up. Not only because I failed. But also because I am exhausted. If these years have given me any wisdom, it is to not hold yourself uptight and lead the journey, but to let go and chain yourself to time as it takes you on its path.

Courage does not lie in being strong and powerful. It lies in being submissive when you have a choice not to. Submissive, of course, to a larger plan. To destiny. To Him.

“BottleloN mein paani bharke fridge mein rakh do!”, a voice shouted at me with both the intensity to wake me up from the soundest of sleeps and the fear that disobeying the orders would mean to risk a near-death experience. Of all the irritating orders that a mom can throw at her child, this takes all three medals and the consolation prize with no close competition. When there’s a water filter, it requires you to hold the empty bottle in one hand and either lift or press down the tap to start the flow. As the time passes by, you cannot do anything, but watch the water fill up knowing that nothing you do now can increase the flow of water. But, at the same time, the bottle starts becoming heavier and heavier, and you run the risk of the bottle slipping away.

A productive use of your analytical part of your brain would be to slowly lower the bottle and meticulously put it down, and place it in such a way that the water stream enters the bottle without as much touching the sides of the bottle’s mouth. But the negative side of this, in case your life wasn’t hard enough already, is that the water stream becomes thicker and thicker. It requires tremendous calculation to place it in such a position that not a single drop falls out of the bottle and its mouth matches the thickness of the stream. However, you cannot place the empty bottle at a pre-determined fixed position and then switch on the tap because the force of the stream has enough power to kick the bottle side-ways and make you feel like a loser. So, the only way for you to fix it to the ground would be to slowly lower it while filling it which makes sure that the bottle has gained enough water for it to stand firm and face the eccentric force exerted by the stream of water, both harum-scarum to form itself as a smooth flow and indifferent to where it’s going to land.

If that wasn’t all, the huge water tank of 25 litres which is attached upside down to the filter chooses to replace the space earlier occupied with water that is now flowing down with air. The only source of such air is the same damn tap through with the water is running down. This not only makes the rough flow of water even rougher and causes problems to its trajectory leading to the bottle mouth, but also makes huge bubbles of air rush up from the bottom of the tank to its top, causing vibrations and disturbances which make the water flow even more bizarre!

All of that is when there is a damn filter with a tap! But what when the water container is an earthen pot and you are now required to dip in a jug, pull it out, and empty it into the bottle. One good thing about this is that you can place the bottle on the ground and hold it with one hand while you run a stream of water from the jug to the bottle mouth, while at the same time determining the thickness of the stream by adjusting the height of the jug. It’s not all good though. It requires skills of making a fair judgement of how much water a jug should be filled with in order to make sure that the bottle is fully filled up, while at the same time, there is no excess of water remaining in the jug after the completion of this tedious task. There is no tap for you to simply release it in order to stop the flow. You are either expected to flow back the excess water into the pot, an undesirable choice, or to gulp down the water yourself, which eventually, will increase your visits to the washroom by two. (Argh!)

If you manage to do all of this and have half a dozen filled up water bottles, you are not done before you accomplish another irritating task – to place these damn bottles in the already swamped refrigerator. Why is it that these bottles cannot get some permanent reserved place in the fridge? I know that I’ve picked them from all the four corners of the house, but that, by no means, would mean that its place in the fridge is taken up with butter, milk, eggs, and the forsaken sambar, dhaniya, and masala powders! Touching any of them would let out a whiff of those powders from the opening of their packets. You are now expected to rearrange all of these and find place for the uncompromising Tupperware bottles with a bulging base. There’s anger, anguish, and frustration when, after placing three bottles in a row, you find that there is some space left at one of the corners enough to place something, but nothing out of the things you have!

Once you manage to get done with all of it, hoping that the household consumes as less water as possible to push away another such episode, you are not just cranky, but also out of energy. And by the time your nervous system begins to relax and you return to the worthy things of your life, “BottleloN mein paani bharke fridge mein rakh do!”. Oh, fuck!

Three times. Yes, it happened again for the third time. This was yet another instance of making me question both my competency and luck at once. But earlier, this didn’t seem like the previous two times at all. We had read a lot. We did so much International Law and Space Law that even the ‘authorities’ that NALSAR prides to have, must not have. (It’s not all that hard to surpass them, by the way). I’ve been spoiling my sleep with dotty dreams about Outer Space and Moon. And that’s because I was stuck with the same damn compromis for nine long months. It all started in September last year when I had planned of taking up Leiden Sarin. But then, the competition seemed so arduous that I shifted my priorities from Air law to Space law. Then came the Open Challenge, clearing which, I had assumed, would put us on a field that’s supposedly shared by all the well-prepared teams around the globe. I was wrong. It turned out that the OC was a mere trailer for all that there was to come. The scores in the OC made me curse all the over-estimation I had done. For once, it seemed like we had pushed ourselves too hard for what seemed like an easy victory. But again, this was just a trailer, no?

I’m too lazy to work, really. Unless there’s a deadline and someone with an axe is ready to hack me, I cannot get to work. And that someone was missing once the OC was done. The result being that we submitted the same memorials for the actual moot too, secretly hoping that we’ll make it through somehow. What were we to do anyway? The already hectic schedule, full of exams and projects, had little time to offer. Also, it could be easy to start something new rather than improving something that has already been done. It seemed all fine when ISRO decided to seed us in the national rounds, basing on the memorial scores. The feeling persisted when we defeated both our prelims opponents, one of whom had come to this moot for the second time after having lost in Semis in their first. Here is where the sky lost its colours and the stars started to fade. We were, in Quarters, put up against the top most seed and lost. A loss with no regrets, for they were much better than we could’ve been even if we had worked during the lazing time after the OC. Plagiarising from the excessively used moot word, however, the unlucky part was to see the teams we beat in the prelims breaking into Quarters and stepping into Semis. The team that beat us went ahead to win it all in what was very well deserved. But, couldn’t we have been assassinated a little later? In the Finals like the previous two teams from my college were? Or, at least, in Semis? Bleh!

I’m tired of mooting. Not because it’s no more interesting. It is. There is nothing better than standing there at the podium and answering every question with all the non-sense that you may not be able to pull out anywhere else. It gives out kicks and makes you feel good about yourself. A sense of achievement like you’ve slept naked on the hot Dosa stove and still managed to avoid heat. A feeling that you’ve taken your helmet off in the Outer Space, near Comet Donkelson, and still managed to stay intact. Okay. Not all that fancy. But, that was just to give an idea of the amount of bakchodi that’s involved in moots. Mooting’s good. And it will get better if the element of luck is not as magnified as it normally is. The same team which failed to clear the OC went ahead to win Vis the next year. That very team went ahead to face disappointment in the Jessup national rounds because of a certain technicality in fixing the match ups. Luck has always ruled the mooting arena. It was relieving when my Vice Chancellor told me, “It is fine. Even Tendulkar has had bad years. Doesn’t mean he’s a bad player!”

There are certain things you want to do in a Law School before it gets too late. I have no idea if people have such lists, but I certainly do. The first of them is ‘mooting’. Well, it was. I’ve given it three shots and not once did it end pleasant. In fact, this time we were planning to head to Tokyo, had we got it. And we didn’t. Well, we wouldn’t have been to Japan either ways considering that my co-speaker doesn’t seem to be getting his Passport anytime soon. So, it wasn’t heart-breaking when they informed us that we aren’t being invited. On the other hand, it made my mom very happy that I won’t be struck by an Earthquake and will live longer.

I can go on writing about this, only to butcher my frustration. But, I’ll end this here and make this the last paragraph. Passion and destiny are two different things. I’m still confused if it’s my competency or luck that’s needs to be blamed. But, as far as my passion is concerned, it seems to be far far away from the destiny. I tried meeting them both thrice and they’ve always repelled. So be it! As Calvin once said, “Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine and valleys of frustration and failure.” Too bad that my valleys are simply too deep.

Law School can only do so much. Almost every kid that enters the gates of one will have his own prejudices and pretexts. When I did, I was staunchly against the caste based reservations and I knew no reason why death penalty could even be considered a bone of arbitrary state action. But that’s become, fortunately, my past. If I call the kid in me who walked the campus three years ago, I wouldn’t be able to reason out with him to support the same beliefs which that kid will grow up to subscribe in less than three years.

The transformation happened not because I’m more mature now. I don’t even think maturity has got anything to do with it, for kids who are born and grow up in an intellectual environment would rarely have the notions that I had when I started my law course. This day has come because of the exposure that the law school provides its students with. Courses such as Law and Poverty, Sociology and Constitutional Law give you so much to think about, that you end up challenging your own preconceived notions. The confidence that you had in expressing them falls flat when you realise that the world isn’t just black or white. The simple recognition of grey (and every other shade in between) is what broadens your horizon. It’s not merely the change of opinions, but also the transmutation of the language into a much more political one. And here I am – believing that there exists an imbalance between various groups of populace which justifies the affirmative actions taken to uplift them, and that the discretion given to the state to choose as to who would die and who wouldn’t is with no rules and guideposts. But then, this doesn’t happen with everyone, does it?

Ideologies are a set of beliefs that can never be forced upon someone. They are inherent in the thought process and conscience of one’s personality/mindset. You never choose to believe in something because you feel you should. You do so only because somewhere your reasoning hints that it is the right thing to believe. Someone after having spent half the law school life says that Kasab should’ve been shot dead right away as he would weigh heavy for the economy of the country has an inherent flaw in his thinking. His inner self (or whatever that damn thing is) gives no scope to think from the perspective that’s been proposed by a lot many sensible lads. That creates an ideology. An ideology that sticks to the principles he believed in when he had his first blush in here. The ones who recognize various other points of view and respect them for what they’re worth end up becoming ‘liberals’.

On the other hand, there are those over whom the transition has had no effect. That’s not because they find justifications for what they believe. Their deaf ears fail to comprehend reason and logic so grossly that they’ve made curtains of blindness around them. What’s more? Law School’s wasted on them, not because they choose to be ignorant, but because they have an inherent screw loose which could be fixed by none. It’s definitely impossible to argue with someone who remains ignorant, let alone with one who finds joy in being so.

Apart from these, there are those who thump their chests and claim to be of a superior breed. Why? Because it’s too main stream to follow reason and come to a logical conclusion. No matter what one tells them, their ego is going to slap them every time they even put an effort to think that there exists some sense. Their hatred for all the other people/religions/castes existing is, for them, an issue of immense proudness. I never believed the existence of such people when one someone, in my first year’s Daaru Party, pretended to be drunk and picked on his own batchmate on the name of his caste. The sight was so disgusting that one could vomit all the intestines and still not be satisfied. The same person, when a circular was issued from the VC’s office to use dry colours for the holi and not water, waived off whatever little Constitutional Law knowledge he had to invoke his ‘religion freedom’, claiming that if ‘other’ religions can ‘celebrate’ their festivals the way they want (on campus? Do we slaughter Cows here on Bakrid?), he has the right to spill a little water around. Helplessness is what I felt at such a dismayed and devastated product of this Law School. It’s even more heart-breaking to see that he’s just one person of such caravan.

Law School is wasted on such souls. It has failed at its job of instilling basic reasoning. The problem does not lie in the system; it, evidently, lies with its subjects. How does all of this come about? Hah! Beats me!