Found “Writer’s block”

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It is necessary to have people around you. Friends make life easy and give you the security you often need. Some do more than what is needed to keep you sane. And some may simply exist. But what makes a friend a good friend?

In materialist terms, someone who helps you with what you need whenever you need is good. Surely, someone who is an emotional support through all your life events is even better. And the one who spends hours to talk and shares your pain is best. But what if you have a friend who does not do any of this?

In one of his famous couplets, Ghalib says:

ye kahāñ kī dostī hai ki bane haiñ dost nāseh
koī chārasāz hotā koī ġham-gusār hotā

What kind of friendship is this that my friends have turned to preaching!
I wish there was one with solutions, wish there was one to share the pain!

Lately, I have been pondering much about the friends I’ve had and I wish to have. In general terms, I have been fortunate to have a good number of friends and never felt the need to have more. To talk for several hours on each call about all the nothing is a habit that I developed with many. But, a few of these have started to trouble me.

A couple of days ago, a decade-long friend asked me what I feel about the Taliban in Afghanistan. As an ardent believer in modern liberal democracy, it was troubling for me to see how horribly people have been clinging on to planes and falling from the sky to their painful death. This was one of those times where I chose to turn myself off from all the news and ignore these events, because of how helpless they make me feel. Having thought all this, I gave this friend an opinion on this situation.

That opinion was that the Taliban may try to be not as bonkers as their ISIS cousins. While both are an afront to humanity and Islam, Taliban now may try to show that they are moderate in an effort to claim legitimacy from the west. They have already declared that they will respect women rights (under Sharia law, whatever their interpretation of ‘Sharia’ is) and press freedoms. This is, and surely will be, simply what they say, and not what they actually do. At their soul, they are nothing less than terrorists who do not deserve to have any power to govern over any people or land.

This opinion was lost in communication. And this emotionally invested friend accused me of going soft on this issue and not caring as much as I should. To this, my true answer was that it was not an issue I would like to care about, simply because of the emotional toll it takes on me. It is the same reason I don’t think much about the ISIS oppression in the North Africa and East Asia. It is for this that I avoid reading all news of Uighurs and Rohingyas. Because as a second-grade citizen of a third-world country, I do not have any voice or power to change what is wrong. And it is a convenient escape to simply not indulge in what I cannot change.

But the accusation that I was not loud enough in calling out the terrorism of Taliban was deeply troubling. Why must I stand-up for every single injustice that happens around the world? Did I ever hold anyone accountable when they did not care about the reckless bombing of Palestine only a few months ago? And simply because one didn’t care enough to speak up, would it fair for me to accuse that person of condoning those attacks? No.

In this political atmosphere, it has become too difficult not just to speak, but also to not speak. That you have to prove your ideas by announcing them every time. It is exhausting to utter each word with calculated measure, and any silence may be interpreted to mean acquiescence.

After much thought, I felt it safe to not have friends who, rather than being a desirable friend who acts as a support, go on to make life hard for you. All this, in return for the care, time, and compassion I invested for over a decade. And it is in this light that I chose to end a few friendships which have been proving to be a bane to my otherwise fortunate and peaceful life. I hope life proves better off without them. For sanity. For peace.